As much as I would love to say that sobriety is all the sunshine and rainbows like the commercials, it’s not. Sobriety is messy, hard, and if one isn’t careful it will break you.
So I am not here to lie to anyone, but this is the hardest journey I have encountered. There are some very dark holes that the mind will fall into given the right circumstances.
Sober is hard when it feels like you are all alone, support is important. I didn’t realize how important until I was almost a year sober. I became addicted to my job and working. Socially acceptable addictions. I tried to pour myself into my work, and was working multiple jobs, and basically killing myself in a new way. I figured that as long as I was doing something productive that the gratification I was seeking would come easy, but I was only half right.
So let me back up and give a little back story and shed some light on the situation. At this particular point in my life, I am recovering from the train wreck that I had turned my life into. My mother has custody of my kids and I am beginning the struggle to get them back. My mother has not exactly been my biggest fan and is pretty much tired of my bullshit, but when necessary will still sweep in and safe the day (ex. Getting custody of my kids and putting her life on hold to take care of them).
Since being sober I have worked multiple jobs and after a miracle I found one that I really enjoy, and wouldn’t you know it a friend from 15 years ago got me hired. I was reunited with my best friend of 20 years and now he’s sober too and we are each others support system. The list goes on and on of individuals who stepped out of the woodwork to help me since I got sober. For many years I thought I did everything alone, but alone is what really hurt me. Even on my worst days when I don’t even like myself there are people who love me and the person I have become.
Moral of the story, build you a team even when you think you don’t have anyone. There is always someone and if you can’t find someone hit up an NA/AA meeting, or hit up my Facebook Sober Sinner or email list after I work out the bugs.
Love always,
Sober Sinner